


What Love Really Is

by Alyssa4Life



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Anxiety | Virgil Sanders Needs a Hug, Caring Logic | Logan Sanders, Deceit Sanders Being An Asshole, Evil Deceit Sanders, Gen, Manipulative Deceit Sanders, Past Anxiety | Virgil Sanders/Deceit Sanders - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-09
Updated: 2018-11-09
Packaged: 2019-08-20 22:53:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,289
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16564679
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Alyssa4Life/pseuds/Alyssa4Life
Summary: Virgil goes to Logan for a “reprogram your brain” session after Logan learns about his and Deceit’s relationship. It goes...okay?





	What Love Really Is

**Author's Note:**

> Virgil is bold, Logan is bold and underline, Deceit is strikethrough. Warnings for abusive relationship talk, anxiety, and getting over manipulation.

Virgil appeared in the living room around 11 PM, around the time when Thomas and most of the other sides would be asleep. The meetings being at this time was essential. He couldn’t let the others find out. He went into the kitchen, where Logan was waiting with his books on psychology.

**“Hello Virgil. Take a seat.”**

This was going to be difficult. It wasn’t exactly his first time there, it was the fourth time he’d sat down with Logan here in the kitchen, but he still felt vulnerable, like a bug entangled in a spider’s web, unable to escape. Honestly, he hated himself for accidentally letting the words slip when Logan was around. He sat down slowly, preparing himself for what was about to happen.

**“Now, give me the tally.”**

Virgil got the paper out of his bag and pushed it over Logan’s side of the table. The tally system was simple. Add a tally whenever he thought about Deceit or about hurting and/or being hated by the other sides.

**“There it is. Sorry if it’s bad.”**

**“Well, it’s better than what it was the second time you came here.”**

Virgil sighed. 54 times. He had thought about it 54 times and that was somehow better. Logan had told him it was normal to have numbers that high if it was that integrated into his brain. Plus, he had 3 days to think. He was going to think a lot about it.

**“Still. It’s not good.”**

**“If it’s better than what it was before, that’s improvement. Focus on the positives Virgil. You have to be proud of yourself.”**

**“Still...all of this feels so wrong. My head just keeps telling me ‘this is wrong, you should come back to Deceit, he’s the only one who cares about you.’ Things like that.”**

**"That’s where you’re wrong. The first time you came here and described it to me, I was sincerely scared for you. That is not a healthy relationship Virgil. That is telling someone what to think about others around them. Also, considering you also told me about his powers, have you ever considered that those thoughts might not be your own in the first place?”**

Virgil stopped for a moment to consider. No, he had never considered that. Had he been blindly trusting Deceit the entire time? Those thoughts telling him he should stop listening to Logan were only getting louder, trying to drown out the other thoughts in his brain.

**“Well, considering I’m trying to stop thinking about it and I never seem to be able to…”**

**“Exactly. The first step to recovery is realizing you have a problem. You’re doing great Virge.”**

Virgil smiled, just a little bit. The thoughts were growing even louder now, threatening that if he trusted Logan that he would be betrayed, that he wouldn’t be powerful anymore. That he’d be putting his trust in his worst enemies. Virgil started shaking. The overload in his brain wasn’t helping, he didn’t know what to do he didn’t know what to say everything hurt his brain hurt what was going on what to do what to do--

The next thing he remembers, his head is being held up by Logan, Virgil recognizing the stream of blood rolling down his face. What the--what just happened?

**“Virgil, what the hell was that?”**

**‘What was...what?”**

**“You just tried slamming your head against the table! Jesus christ Virgil!”**

Logan ran off to grab the first aid kid, Virgil pressing his hand against the wound. What the fuck? Had he just blacked out from the panic attack and attempted to rid himself from those thoughts? Logan immediately ran back in, bandaging Virgil’s head up and making sure he didn’t require something more serious.  
**“Virgil, how many fingers am I holding up?”**

Virgil could see clearly, he didn’t think he had a concussion, just a head that hurt really fucking badly.

**“Uhh...four?”**

**“Okay, now follow the light.”**

Logan shone a light in Virgil's vision, Virgil trying not to move his face as he followed the light with his eyes.

**“Alright, I don’t think you have a concussion.”**

**“Yeah, just my head hurts like fuck. What the heck just happened?”**

**“Something bad might be happening if you just suddenly blacked out.”**

**“Eh, wouldn’t be the first time my anxiety took over. It’s probably just that.”**

Sometimes, when the anxiety of a situation got really bad, he’d black out and need Deceit to tell him what happened after. Honestly, at this point, Virgil didn’t know if what Deceit had been telling him on his blackouts had been real or fake. He also noticed that the thoughts had died down considerably.

**“Yes, but why to that extreme? Alright, let's continue this on the couch, you need to lie down.”**

Virgil walked with Logan, Logan helping him stand up just in case he fell over, guiding him to the couch. They got there and Virgil sat down, resting his head against the arm of it.

**“Good, now you can’t attempt to kill yourself.”**

**“Not trying to Logan. Not trying to.”**

**“That’s good that you’re not intending to, but the risk still remains.”**

**“Hey Logan?”**

**“Yes?”**

**“You know I never intended for these sessions to happen, right?”**

Logan looked at him for a moment.

**“Yeah. I do.”**

Virgil had never intended it. It was an accident, but maybe it was a happy accident. He didn’t know yet.

\-----------------------------------------------------------

Anxiety relaxed in his room, drinking his bottle of Gatorade as he saw Deceit appear in front of him, face full of...concern? Anxiety put down the bottle and looked at him, confused.

~~“Anxiety, you know what you just did, right?”~~

**“Yeah, I do.”**

~~“We can’t trust them! You realize they’re just making you feel good so they can manipulate you, right? They’re playing you. Don’t fall for their lies.”~~

**“Well, if they didn’t care or wanted me gone, they wouldn’t have come for me, would they?”**

~~“Anxiety, they only reason they saved you is because they wanted to appear as good people. They don’t want to appear bad to the fans.”~~

**“Yeah, maybe…”**

~~“Accept it. They’re just pricks who couldn’t care less. I’m going to not visit you for a little while. It’s your punishment for trusting them.”~~

**“Deceit, wait--”**

~~“See you, Anxiety.”~~

And with that, he was gone. Anxiety crumpled up into a ball on the bed, pleading with Deceit through his whispers to wait, to stop and come back, that they could work something out, that maybe being somewhat accepted would work as a way to betray the others, he just didn’t want Deceit to leave him.

And then he cried out those words that should have never been said.  
**“Deceit...you’re my only friend...come back…”**

**“Falsehood.”**

Shit. Logan must have heard from outside the door.

Welp. He’s dead.

\-----------------------------------------------------------

The two stared at each other for a while after that. Finally, Logan broke the silence.

**“What good things have you thought about us or yourself recently?”**

**“Well…”**

He thought for a moment, and then came up with an answer.

**“...I’ve thought good about you for doing this for me. I’ve felt happy that Roman used my name instead of calling me a stupid nickname…”**

**“That’s good, keep going.”**

**“I’ve felt...relieved when Patton delivered those cards to my room after the thing with Deceit, when I just wanted to hide from everyone.”**

Logan clapped. Somewhere in his eyes, Virgil could see a spark of pride.

**“Tonight I think has helped a lot Virgil. We’ve learned a lot together.”**

**“Yeah, we have…”**

**“...I hope you learn.”**

**“Learn what?”**

**“I have one request for you. Learn and tell me what love really is. Once you’re ready, I’ll be waiting for your answer.”**


End file.
